Mourn with those who mourn

This week a close friend here lost one of her team in a car accident At the same time a close friend at home lost an aunt suddenly, just a couple of weeks after another close friend had lost her aunt unexpectedly. Add to that my staff member who has just come back to work after an absence he took to mourn his wife and child who died from burns sustained from an exploding gas bottle. Another staff member who had to fly back to Denmark to bury his father. Then Manchester and London. The multiple times a day my phone pings to tell me about another attack in Iraq. The massive attack in Baghdad a week ago, and one in Kabul. The old Iraq house-mate who is working with Operation Mercy and part of their team responding to the attack on their Kabul office where staff were killed and abducted. This morning I heard about 15 families who arrived at our camp last night with multiple injuries, including a child who was hit by a sniper. Sometimes the bad news just feels a bit unrelenting.

In this part of the world this level of tragedy is just part of life. It's so normal to everyone. And maybe that's why they are actually good at mourning with those who mourn. There's no awkwardness. There's no ignoring what's happened. There's no empty platitudes. There's a lot of tears. There's a commitment to visiting bereaved family and friends and entering in to their sadness with them. There's an openness about grief, it doesn't get hidden away like something awkward.

And of course if you know how to mourn with those who mourn, you probably also know how to rejoice with those who rejoice. My Mum, whom none of my staff have met, has a birthday in May and so suddenly at the May birthday celebration her name is on the cake, along with another expat's new baby who is back in Holland with his mum. It's why we all eat baklava every time someone gets engaged and celebrate with them. It's why when you get married you invite everyone you know, and everyone they know.

As a Brit (we are an awkward species), I can learn a lot from my friends here in this respect. Mourning with those who mourn and rejoicing with those who rejoice is actually about loving that person first and putting their news, their needs above your own. It's about not caring that it's uncomfortable to sit with friends who are grieving, struggling with depression or disappointment, because somehow your presence shows your love for them even if you have no words to offer. It's about rejoicing with friends who have wonderful news, even if what they are celebrating is something that you yourself have longed for. If necessary you put a mask on to rejoice with them, because in their moment of happiness it needs to be about exactly that. (Then you go home and have a good cry if you need to). It's always about putting others before yourself. If my time here in this corner of the world helps me to grow in that respect then it will be worth every sacrifice it has cost in other ways.