Grapes

I live in a flat in my city, the ground floor of a two storey house which means I get the little garden. When I first looked around it before I moved in, it had this crazy grape vine over the outside of the house, providing a lot of shade. I loved it and it was one of the main reasons why I said yes to the house - I had images in my head of sitting outside in the spring and summer (and autumn and winter) under that vine, enjoying the dappled sunlight coming through.

When I moved in to the house I was gutted to see that the owner, in between tenants, had pruned the vine to what seemed an unbelievable level. It had been pulled off the walls it was climbing, and stripped right back to it's most basic branches. I was so sad. All through the autumn and winter, friends and I would sit on my patio and sadly comment on the vine. About how unutterably dead it looked. It seemed totally hopeless. We couldn't imagine it having any chance of growing leaves. And if I can be completely honest for a minute, without sounding too dramatic, it kind of echoed what I felt deep down too. I found this winter in Iraq my hardest. I was struggling with my job which no longer felt exciting and instead just felt overwhelming. I felt like all I did was work, eat, sleep, repeat. I struggled to find time for friends, and if I didn't do incredibly high levels of overtime I felt like I was failing the staff working for me and the people we're trying to help. Basically I just got in to a bit of a sad rut.

Spring arrived and a few leaves started to bud on the vine. I couldn't believe it. There was a tiny bit of life coming out of no where. And guess what? At the same time my own spirits began to lift. I made some personal decisions around what I wanted my life here to be like, about how to look after myself (remember that blog I wrote on self-care?); and slowly I started to feel like I was coming back to life.

Summer has now arrived, seemingly overnight. And suddenly my vine has bunches of grapes on it. Where did they come from? I can't believe how quickly it has gone from bare branches to this beautiful, green plant with fruit hanging on it. It has started to re-climb the walls, and the sunlight is dappled as it shines through it. And, you've guessed it, I feel back to normal too. I'm enjoying my job again, and my life outside of work too. I went away with my prayer trio this weekend, we just took a couple of nights away in a different city, far from the fighting and gave ourselves a break. We talked about work but we didn't open laptops. Instead we shopped in the bazaar, went up a mountain, ate good food, swam, chatted and prayed. When I got home from the weekend and looked at my vine, for the first time in months I felt properly anchored. I felt the presence of God. But I know that He was with me in the time when the vine looked dead. He was there, working on the unseen. Even when I didn't feel connected spiritually He was faithfully sustaining me. He has used this place, this work, to shape my faith, to mold me in a new way. It's not always easy. But just as the farmer will prune his vine to a degree which seems crazy to the untrained eye, in order to strengthen the new growth; so living here this last winter was a kind of pruning for me. Those grapes are a reminder that no matter how hard or how long the winter, it will end. Summer is coming with all it's goodness.