Prejudice

I've been in Amman this week for a workshop (and now at the Dead Sea for a treat day) and it got me thinking about my first visit here back in 2013. At the time I was working in London on the Tearfund Syria response, and I was part of a team that came to Jordan and Lebanon to assess the first projects we undertook through local partners to see if we agreed that our strategy was appropriate, to assess whether Tearfund was adding value to the general response to the refugee crisis in the way we thought we were.

I had never been to the Middle East. Growing up, I remember finding the whole concept of the Middle East or the '20/40 window' quite terrifying. I thought it would be the last place I would voluntarily travel to. I'm pretty ashamed of my ignorance now. In the Christian community in the UK at the time I think there was a mystery around the Middle East, a feeling of fear of the unknown and of Islam. To an extent I think this continues today, although I have many friends who are working hard to change this.

So even in 2013, when I traveled to Jordan and Lebanon for the first time, having mainly worked in Africa and Haiti up to that point, I was excited but nervous. Looking back I think that trip is what started me on this particular journey in a way. It was my first experience of working on a refugee crisis, the first time I sat with people displaced by war and heard their stories. The cultures I was visiting were completely foreign to me. So different to anything I had seen before. I remember finding Lebanon significantly easier than Jordan, and on the inside thinking that I didn't think I could live in Jordan - it was a touch too far on the Middle East spectrum for me at the time. But that trip broke me. I can vividly remember visiting refugee families living in what had been a large factory-scale chicken coop, and thinking how unutterably sad it was that a farmer was making more money renting out his space to people than rearing chickens. I remember being blown away by the teams I met in Jordan working with highly traumatised children, providing safe spaces for them to start to process what they had been through. That trip was the first time I understood that in this part of the world war is broadcast live on TV, and that entire families will sit transfixed watching the battle progress in the land they have fled. I came back to the UK incredibly unwell physically, and without fully realising it at the time, I was pretty unwell mentally too. A few weeks later I had a counselling session at work and just broke down - everything I had bottled up came flooding out on this poor woman across the room from me.

Fast forward a year and I was out in Iraq for the first time, and my heart towards the Middle East had already changed. I was in Italy on holiday with my good friend Becca when I got a text message to tell me that Tearfund had made the decision to respond to the crisis in Iraq. Becca regularly reminds me that I said 'I think they're going to ask me to go', and that to her amazement I was excited about that possibility. Sure enough, I got back to the office after our holiday and was immediately asked to consider joining the emergency response team. I said yes straight away and off I went.

After 2 and a half years in Iraq, I came back to Amman for this training. It amazes me that I previously thought I wouldn't want to live here. Now it feels so normal and like it could quite easily be home for me (don't worry Mum, I'm not suggesting that I move here). I tell this story as I'm feeling pretty ashamed of my ignorance, my fear and my prejudice I used to have towards this part of the world. In Iraq I have found a people who are incredibly hospitable, the most generous culture. I have found people who are proud of their ancestry, but tolerant towards others. I have celebrated Persian New Year, Coptic Christmas, Yazidi New Year, Islamic Eid's; and had gifts given to me by people of other faiths for my Easter. I definitely still don't understand all the dynamics at play, the history, the cultures (I never will); but along with Southern Africa, the Middle East has claimed a bit of me for itself. And I am a richer person for that.